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You’ve Got to Stop Torturing Yourself

I know you could use a kind, encouraging, or compassionate word or two.⁠ ⁠ Couldn't we all?⁠ ⁠ Of course these are nice AND I stopped worrying about whether or not these would come my way a lonnng time ago.⁠ ⁠

The truth is, when you're craving a compliment, validation, or encouraging word from someone else, you're really needing to hear it from yourself.⁠ ⁠

Isn't this the greatest news ever?⁠ ⁠

If you had a recording of the things you say to yourself in the course of a day inside your own head, I bet you'd be shocked.⁠ ⁠You'd fire a best friend for talking to you that way.⁠ ⁠

If you want to change your life, it needs to start with you showing yourself some respect. Show yourself some kindness instead of waiting for it to come from somebody else. You really need to be your own supportive best friend.⁠ ⁠

Quit rolling your eyes. I see you!

I know you've heard this before and it might even sound like a no brainer, you might think you are already doing it. If you're reading this, I'm not so sure. This is truly the most important thing. ⁠ I know it's also not as easy as it sounds. It's not easy because you might not being paying much attention to your own self talk. You might not be used to encouraging yourself to get curious about how the way you speak to yourself makes you feel terrible and behave in ways that aren't helpful to you.

Most of us aren't.⁠ ⁠ This is why you have to practice.

Start with small. Start working on slowing your reflex to beat yourself up for every little thing. Become aware that you're doing it and then start putting a pause in where you want to be mean to yourself. ⁠ ⁠ I work on this with clients. At first, it'll feel hard but only because you'll think it's hard. It's really not. It will start to become as much a simple basic human thing to do as what you're doing now except it's transformative in ways you don't know until you do it. ⁠ ⁠

Want to know how I know you're not showing yourself the support you need? Because you're not getting the results in your life that you want. ⁠ ⁠ But this is also great news because you can totally decide to start doing it any time + this is part of what I teach people. Talk to me about it more by scheduling a chat and stop torturing yourself.

Speaking of torturing yourself…

There's much advice about taking a few career tests to increase your self-awareness about your career interests, values, personality, skills etc. A simple Google will bring up lots of free ones. ⁠ ⁠ But what do you do after you've figured yourself out? What are the steps after you've figured out what makes you tick?⁠ ⁠

What most of us do is hop onto the job boards or LinkedIn looking to find inspiration as to how we can fit what we know about ourselves into a tidy job description written by somebody else.⁠ ⁠ Have you tried this? Is this where you're at right now? Of course, it is.⁠ ⁠

Most people who reach out to me tell me this is what they've been doing.⁠ ⁠It feels terrible. It's keeping you stuck.

Don't do it anymore.⁠ ⁠ You need a different approach. One that actually works. This is what I do with people all day, every day. ⁠ ⁠ I never start with career tests. I ignore job descriptions and titles. These things keep you stuck. ⁠ ⁠

Do yourself a favour, set up a call with me to chat about a better way. Even if it's not me you work with, you've got to get yourself a career coach if you want to make a change. A good coach can teach you how to use career tests, job boards, LinkedIn etc. in ways that actually do inspire you.⁠ ⁠

Yes, there's lots of free advice out there but that's not what you need. You don't need more advice. You don't need a tidy 10 step plan. You need somebody to tell you how the combination of your own self-doubt and most of the well-meaning advice you get from your mom, your sister, or the internet is complete nonsense. ⁠

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