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How to Feel Better at Work (Part I)

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Thanks for being here. I hope this season has been kind to you and if it hasn't, I hope you're being kind to you (well, you know what I mean--please be kind to you, no matter what!) Over the next 4 weeks I’ll be sharing a series of posts about how to feel better about your work. You might have the goal of leaving your job at some point, but what if it feels liking it's taking too long? How do you make things better in the meantime? I always recommend working to make things better before leaving anyway, if you can. How we do one thing tends to be how we do everything and you don’t want to bring whatever you’re trying to leave behind with you to the next place. A job we don’t like is a bit like social media in that it can become a perfect petri dish of our triggers and all the thoughts we have that don’t serve us. The same way we'd examine that gross little petri dish under a microscope, we can do a little exploration of our own brain. Whether you stay or go, you’ll still be hanging out with yourself and your same brain. So, if your work problems are rising up out of a feeling of not being good enough, or not belonging, or not being validated, respected, or if you’re having trouble not taking feedback personally for instance, that’s all going to come with you to the next place. The same way we might believe that if we were taller or smaller or had better hair, we would be happier, we think that if we could only change our job, we would finally feel good about our self. What tends to happen is that we’d simply become an unhappy person with better hair, or a taller unhappy person. See what I mean? I believe the best approach if you’re considering a job or career change is to have the mindset that the point is not to run away from something terrible but rather to move towards something amazing. There is a distinction here. But how do you know the difference? The way to tell is by paying attention to the reasons for your decision. Is your reason that you’ve convinced yourself you can’t cope with your boss or is it because you’re super excited about moving on to a new challenge that you’ve been dreaming of? Get clear on your reasons and then ask yourself if you like them. Change fueled by a connection to love tends to lead somewhere better than change fueled by fear, shame, unworthiness etc. Your Perspective and Your Mindset Clearly what I’m talking about here relates to mindset. At the end of the day we all need to have our own back. We do this by recognizing that we can cope. We can cope with the bad boss or the feedback that stings. We do this by reminding our self that we get to decide what we make our work situation mean. We can always do this. We can remind our self that we can actually handle feeling terrible for a time. We actually can feel like hell and not die. We don't have to resist any of it. Sometimes simply giving yourself permission to feel the way you feel is exactly what you need. Then you can show yourself a bit of compassion for pete's sake. You can also remind yourself that you are a very resourceful, capable person. You know things. You can figure this out, even if you don't have all of the "how's" right now. Of course, you can always ask for help but this doesn’t have to mean that you're helpless. Notice how when stress rises in us we seem to forget all the ways that we are capable and immediately stop giving ourselves credit for, well basically anything. We go into a state of feeling helpless telling our self things like "I don't know" and "I'm so confused". It's all complete nonsense. My challenge for you this week is to make a few phrases taboo. Here are the phrases: I don’t know I’m confused Any combination of words or phrases similar to the above. When we tell ourselves that we “don’t know” something, it’s the same as commanding our brain to take a nap. Spend a week noticing every time you hear yourself say or think this. Then watch your brain spin. Instead, try telling yourself you’re not confused, and that you do know. You always know things you can try, you always know one or two actions you could take. Believing you don’t is your brain’s way of conserving energy, of avoiding something that feels risky, of taking the path of the least resistance. This is normal but you can be on to yourself. You can feel at least a little better about your work immediately—no matter your situation, starting with the understanding that you are not powerless. That you are not only a victim to your circumstance. When you start challenging the thought that you’re stuck, you open the door to possibility. This is the often the first way to feel better at work. More next week. Thanks for reading. Here’s to feeling better about work, Christine :) p.s.: I teach high achieving professionals who believe in the importance of career fulfillment but don’t feel fulfilled at work. I teach a framework for creating confidence so you can decide what you want and then get it. If you believe deeply in doing good work that you love…but you’re not feeling fulfilled. If you feel an underlying disconnect between the work you’re actually doing and the work you’re meant to be doing. If part of you feels like you have it all… and part of you feels like it’s not enough. It’s okay, I’ve got you. This is exactly what I help with. Let’s overcome whatever it is that’s holding you back from what you want for your career—even if you aren’t exactly sure what that is yet. Let’s also do it in half the time or less than it would take to do on your own. It’s cognitive psychology-based techniques + insights from business, career change, and job search theory that leads to real change. IN OTHER WORDS, the most simplified, direct, and evidence-based WAY TO UPLEVEL YOUR CAREER. If you haven’t, schedule your call with me.

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