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How to Feel Better About Work Part 3 - Trust


I'm writing this as a weekend is winding down. It's rainy and windy and dark. I'm wondering how everybody out there is doing on this Sunday night. If you're anything like me, left unchecked your brain is probably offering up a nice long list of things left to do, of things that should be different, ways you should be better, and how other people and reality should be something other than what they are.


Does that about sum it up?


What I want to offer this Sunday Night in the spirit of working on feeling better about things now—whatever that might look like for you, is this:


What if you could just trust the timing of your life?


What if you could believe that things are exactly as they should be? Things left to do aren’t a problem, you’re as “better” as you ever need to be, and things, other people and reality are too.

What if you knew deeeeep in your bones that whatever it is that’s going on now—even if you think it’s less than ideal, is necessary, required and perhaps even…perfect? What if you could believe that?  How would that change what you think, how you feel, how you behave? How would that change how you show up tomorrow?

 

Let’s imagine for a minute that you have complete belief that where you are now is exactly where you need to be, that nothing is wrong, or broken, or a problem.

You know this AND you can also decide that you’re in the mood for an adventure.  You’re feeling curious about what could be next for you. You’ve got nothing to prove, there is no hurry, there is nothing to fix, there is nothing to run from. Trust the timing of your life. 


Can you try this on this week?  Yes?  Good. Next, let’s try this on for size:


What if you could trust yourself when it comes to knowing what to do next? No matter what, you knew that you’d be able to find solutions to any obstacle that could possibly come up.  How would this change you?  How would this change your thoughts? Your feelings? Your behaviour?  Bring this to your awareness.   Now, tell yourself this truth: the quality of the solutions you come up with for anything depend on the quality of the questions you ask. Part of what makes me a great coach is that I know how to ask powerful questions.  I also never believe a single thing a client tells me without putting it through a filter in my own brain first.  I will never jump on your nonsense wagon.  That wouldn’t serve you at all. 

You can train yourself to not hop on your own nonsense wagon too. This is what I teach.

A great place to start is to learn to ask yourself great questions.  To do this you need to practice questioning things—especially your thoughts.  Ask yourself: Is this true? Is this helpful? Do I really believe this? Do I want to believe this? Then answer.


People ask me how they can grow their self confidence—this is how.  Always ask and answer every single question you have for yourself before asking somebody else.  Training yourself to believe that your answers are not outside of you is one of the biggest gifts you can give yourself.  Don’t delegate your questions to me or anyone else.  Stop believing that others are more of an expert than you —that they have all of the answers and you have none.  It’s just not helpful and it’s absolutely not true.

My clients will sometimes ask me how to do something.  My answer is almost always “yes”.  It’s never the answer they want to hear.  We’re so used to using Google that we’ve forgotten that we actually know stuff, that we can figure out stuff, that we are smart and resourceful.  It's okay.  It's your primitive brain secretly hoping that someone else will do the heavy lifting.  We're all programmed this way--to avoid pain, avoid discomfort, and conserve energy.  We don't want to endure the pain of getting it wrong.  Our brain would rather someone else do that.  Our brain would much rather we stay confused and undecided and doubtful which, believe it or not has a pretty big upside.  When we're stuck we don't have to make scary decisions or take scary action.     I’ve trained myself to have answers.  You can too and the way to do it is to just start doing it.  Ask and answer your own questions.  When you think you can’t, remind yourself that this is a thought error.  You definitely know at least something you could try, you’re just not making yourself answer and find out what you do know.  You spend more time thinking of everything you don’t know, instead of “what do I know for sure?”

And so you have to train your brain to do this.  You have to explore your own solutions.  Not just the first answer, but multiple answers. If you could come up with five solutions, what would they be?

And you have to believe you have answers.  You have to ask yourself questions and answer them consistently to prove it to be true.  The more you ask yourself questions and then answer them, the more you will start to believe you have answers and the more self-confident you will become.

Great decision-making is created by constant trial and error and evaluation.  You have a question, you answer it for yourself, you act on it, you evaluate it and then you ask yourself what’s next. 


Want to feel better about where you are now?  Trust the timing of your life and trust that you know how to figure out what’s next.  I’m serious. Do it. Now go into the new week with your mission.  Let me know how it goes. Hey! If you're not working with me yet, what are you waiting for?  There will never be a better time to stop dreaming and start doing. Schedule your call with me. Tell me your dream. Tell me what it is you want but think you can’t have. Then I’ll guide you through a simple and effective framework that will make it crystal clear that not only can you have it, but you won’t have to sacrifice your safety, security, or sanity in the process.

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