Resiliency, Obstacles, and Avoidance

 

These are words that come up a lot in my career coaching practice.  I'd like to talk about them...

 

Resiliency:

 

Knowing that you can feel resilient in your career + life is awesome.  What's not awesome is believing that your happiness is at the mercy of other people, circumstances in the world, time, money, your age, your education or anything else.⁠ ⁠

 

Don't stay stuck because you think circumstances are keeping you that way. You're going to need to get creative, shift your outlook and perspective if you want to make real change happen.⁠  You're going to have to overcome some objections. Mostly your own.⁠ ⁠

 

But what's MORE awesome than proving to yourself that you are resilient, and that you get to decide how you want to react to things? ⁠ ⁠ Not in a way that denies that there are things going on in the world that we might feel are out of control. Not in a way that demands we sacrifice our mental, physical, or mental health.⁠ But in a way that reminds us we really do have agency. We really do have a say. ⁠ ⁠And this is everything.⁠

 

Obstacles:

 

Sometimes our biggest obstacle to having what we want is that we aren't able to see beyond all or nothing. Viewing career + life as completely black or white without ever stopping to question all the absolutes we've been conditioned to believe can keep us stuck. I keep hearing people say "we're in strange, uncertain times". This may be but I can't help but think: when has anything ever been certain?

 

Isn't certainty something that's mostly made up? If we've been feeling certain, it's because we thought we were. If we were feeling safe or secure, it's because we thought we were. But we were mistaken. We thought wrong.

 

We do this all the time. How we feel comes from what we think. Whether it's our feelings towards our boss, our work situation, or lack thereof, or a global pandemic. There's a sense of collective grief right now. Feelings of uncertainty, fear, anger, hopelessness. Missing what we had and the feelings that come along with not knowing when we'll get it back or if.

 

I've helped people deal with change + loss for many years. I've sat across the table from or been on the other end of the phone with person after person struggling to accept the news that they no longer have a job. Sometimes because of a layoff or restructuring, or a firing. Sometimes their job just no longer works. Due to injury, illness, disability or because they simply can face it another day. Sometimes, because, in a moment of passion, or quiet desperation, or despair, they just quit.

 

None of what I'm hearing from anyone now feels new to me. It's what I've been seeing and hearing from people for the last two decades. So don't tell me that things are uncertain now. I don't believe it. They've always been uncertain + they always will be.

 

Avoidance:

 

When there's something you'd like to do but aren't, try asking yourself this:⁠ ⁠

 

1. What am I not wanting to feel, so I'm avoiding? ⁠ ⁠

 

Then answer.  Your answer might be one of these:⁠ ⁠

 

Fear, pain, boredom, loneliness, embarrassment, shame, anger, frustration, insecurity, uncertainty, discomfort.⁠ ⁠

 

or⁠ ⁠

 

2. What am I trying to feel, so I'm avoiding?⁠ ⁠

 

Comfortable, certain, secure, numb, entertained, distracted, safe.⁠ ⁠

 

You can actually decide to just feel a bit of something uncomfortable temporarily for a longer term payoff. ⁠ ⁠ So, if you're trying to achieve a certain result but you're not sticking to something, starting something etc. Start naming the real reason why. It's not because you don't know how. It's because you're either trying to feel something or avoid feeling something.⁠ ⁠ You can totally decide what you do and do not want to feel. But please decide. Stop say you're not doing something because you don't know how. That's nonsense. ⁠ ⁠ ⁠

 

Ready to have a chat with me and start fighting for your dream?  Schedule your call HERE.

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